I'm passing your future prison.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
