Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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