i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
