Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
