he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
