Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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