yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
