Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
