id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
