Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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