then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
