I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
