I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
