Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
