I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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