I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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