I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
