...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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