dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
