Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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