well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
