You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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