you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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