Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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