How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
