NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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