Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
