He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
