What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
