if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
