We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
