the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
