new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
