I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
