When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
