Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
