Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
