I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
