dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
