I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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