Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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