Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
