I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
