I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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