Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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