The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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