We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
