I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
