Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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