if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
