she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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