woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
