Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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